you can take it
I was talking to a guy. He said something caustic. Arbitrary. Cutting. I can not repeat it. It was about work. He thought he was being clever I think. But to me it was just mean. And I said "Well you can not talk to me like that." And he said all his women friends were strong clever women who could take it and he thought I could too. And I thought --
Why?
The implication I guess is strong clever women are fine when people are mean to them. They can take it. And if I am not fine well I am not strong or clever. I just can't take it. And probably I was supposed to leap into the breach and say "Oh silly me you are right I am a strong clever woman so here hit me again I can take it."
But I told him to be nice to me or take a hike.
So I guess I am a weak dumb woman.
This has happened before. This "You are only smart and strong if you defend yourself against arbitrary and reasonless assault." I went out with a guy who took me to surprise dinner with THE SQUASH BOYS --
(I do not go out with that guy any more and please do not ask me to explain "Squash Boys.")
One of The Squash Boys was hugely obnoxious. Hugely. Obnoxious. Every word was underhanded cutting attack. It was like World War III over sushi which I do not even eat so it was a bad dinner.
After, the guy who even thought it was okay to spring Sushi With Squash Boy on me told me he told a friend dinner did not go well (he figured that out all on his own) and the friend asked if I was dumb or just couldn't hold my own with Squash Boy.
Here is what is odd to me about that conversation -- outside I even heard about it: No one thought Squash Boy was a problem. (Squash Boy is probably distorting the space time continuum to this day.) They thought the problem was I was stupid or weak if I did not want to spar Squash Boy.
What the?
Okay maybe it is just me. Probably it is just me. But I do not think it is "smart" or "strong" to "take it" while someone says mean things to you. Because --
You can leave it.
That is the part everyone always seems to leave out.
You. Can. Just. Leave. It.
Leaving it is better too. Seriously. I mean, what is your prize for not leaving it? More dinners with Squash Boy? Get out of there. Right now. Do not even give an explanation. Just walk. There is no good reason to stick around while people say mean things to you. I don't care how it is masked. Disguised as clever -- mean is mean. Disguised as humor -- mean is mean. And taking mean does not make you strong. And taking mean does not make you smart. Taking mean just makes you miserable and sad and tired. And that badge of honor "she can take it" is not worth that. Ever.
I do not know why anyone who likes me would want to "give it" to me too. That makes no sense to me. "Hey I really like you stick around a while so I can be mean to you." What is up with that? But that badge "she can take it" has been around a long time. She can take it. He can take it. You can take it. We can take it. Take it on the chin and keep going like no one just took a swing at you or said something awful. Take it and pretend it doesn't hurt, doesn't even leave a dent, take it and laugh like it is funny because taking it. . . does what? Makes you a better person? Makes you stronger? Makes you smarter? Makes you more clever?
How?
I do not know where that comes from. That idea you are stronger and better and more clever if you take cruel blows and do not flinch. Just sit there while it keeps coming. The taking it concept is so pervasive though "take as good as you get" is a cliché phrase. We do it so much we do not even know it hurts anymore. We are numb. Used to it. Used to being "Strong." "Clever." "Smart." Used to being --
Injured.
But I do not think taking mean is strong.
I do not think taking mean is clever.
I think taking mean is buying an idea that says let people hurt you and pretend it does not hurt for no good reason instead of saying "That hurts knock it off."
Where does that come from? Some confused Pilgrim idea pain is righteous?
Pain is not righteous. Pain is just pain. And there is no good reason to take it. There just isn't. And no one who likes you should want to "give it to you" in the first place. Jeez. So next time someone says "I thought you could take it"? Ask them why you should. (I would really like an answer to this one.) And if they do not have a good answer? Walk away. Spend time with people who are nice to you. It will be more fun.
Love and Kisses,
That Adams Girl
PS: I am doing design changes around here so things may be bumpy but the idea is things will be spiffy after so buckle your seat belt and keep both hands inside the vehicle at all times it will be sorted out soon.
PPS: You can respond to "Thoughts" at Click This.
