ghost kitty smith and the great divide
My phone is a device of the devil. It starts ringing at 8 a.m. It rings all day. (It has rung 27 times in the last hour I know I counted just to see and it is only noon.) Every call is from an "unavailable" number. Every time I pick up --
The caller hangs up.
How this catastrophe began is (I think) the real estate agent listed my number when she listed the condo. Nobody wants to buy the condo. But a whole lot of people want to call me. Every telephone solicitor in the city, probably in the Continental United States, quite possibly in the Whole World wants to call me. And does. Every day.
Here is the catch though.
The telephone solicitors are TOO BUSY TO TAKE MY CALL. I guess telephone solicitors are like Hollywood moguls. They are very important people with a lot of people to talk to every day they cannot dial numbers or keep track of whom they are calling. So they have an assistant. The assistant is named "Speed Dialer." And Speed is on task dialing my number. He dials me over and over. But every time he gets through the mogul telephone solicitor is TOO BUSY. So oops. No call for me.
Speed is not a very polite assistant. He does not say sorry for interrupting while you were working or sorry for waking you up or sorry for interrupting your dinner or sorry you DO NOT EVEN REMEMBER WHAT REM SLEEP IS or even SORRY THE MOGUL TELEPHONE SOLICITOR IS TOO BUSY FOR YOU. Speed just hangs up. Day in. Day out. Hour in. Hour out. Minute in. Minute out. Speed is not very polite but he sure gets points industry.
Telephone solicitors are friendly and talk to each other too. Maybe that is why they are too busy to talk to me. Maybe they are talking to each other. They share my number with their friends. Who are other mogul telephone solicitors who also do not have time to talk to me just to call me A LOT and their assistants are all named Speed too. And they call me over and over again too. And hang up whenever I answer too.
This has increased with such geometric force I took the condo off the market because all real estate agents call from "unavailable" numbers too. And when the condo is on the market I have to answer EVERY CALL. I know this because my real estate agent told me how important it was for me to answer EVERY CALL. But I cannot answer twenty-seven telephone calls every hour. More if you include real estate agent calls. More if you include people I might even want to talk to calls. So now the condo is not for sale and I do not answer my phone ever. At all. I just spend my days with a dull hellish ringing in the background. Every day. All day. Until the telephone mogul solicitors retire to rest so they can start early and refreshed tomorrow.
This makes it very hard for me to work. Work is just easier to do if it is not done to the dull ringing backdrop of a telephone from hell.
MEANWHILE.
I have a new house guest. Ghost Kitty Smith. So this episode of Thoughts is --
GHOST KITTY SMITH AND THE GREAT DIVIDE
I do not know when exactly Ghost Kitty Smith arrived. I spend a lot of time at the computer and AVOIDING the telephone. Also there are two dogs and a cat here already who make background noise my head on autopilot translates to "dog noise equals safe." Also Jones is white and fluffy and Ghost Kitty Smith is white and fluffy so an extra small white fluffy cat could wander around here a while and my head would just tell me that white fluffy cat shape was Jones.
One of the white fluffy cats here is not Jones though.
One of the white fluffy cats here is Ghost Kitty Smith.
Ghost Kitty Smith is a real ghost. Or spirit kitty. Or something kitty. Most of the time you cannot even see Ghost Kitty Smith. You just hear him. Or her. (I do not know Ghost Kitty Smith's gender it is too tricky to check.) Or you can see something Ghost Kitty Smith does. Like roll litter across the bathroom floor. Or you can hear leather in a chair shift when Ghost Kitty Smith jumps off.
Also Ghost Kitty Smith really likes the litter box. I am not sure why an incorporeal cat would even need a litter box but maybe it has been a while since Ghost Kitty Smith had the luxury of indoor plumbing because Ghost Kitty Smith REALLY likes that litter box.
The litter box has this hard little plastic mat under it. The mat has grooves in it to catch litter that gets kicked out so litter cannot spread. It mostly works too except when cats get industrious. (My cat[s] are industrious. They like to scratch around the litter box. They would be in big trouble with crayons.) It is noisy when little cats scratch the mat. And spooky when you hear that and see Jones nowhere near the litter box too. Because that means it is not Jones scratching that mat. It is another cat. A cat you mostly cannot see. A Ghost Kitty Smith cat.
I named the ghost kitty "Ghost Kitty Smith" after things went out of control last weekend. Ghost Kitty Smith got very excited last weekend. Maybe because I finally noticed Ghost Kitty Smith was here. There was lots of lids popping off food cannisters and litter mat scratching going on. Which was all spooky to me. I am not accustomed to invisible cats. I have never met one before. Let alone shared a condo with one. But after one LONG SLEEP DEPRIVED weekend I had had enough. If the ghost kitty was going to stay, just like when Jones came to stay the ghost kitty would have to HAVE A NAME and would have to FOLLOW HOUSE RULES. One BIG HOUSE RULE is no noise during sleep hours.
That is when Ghost Kitty Smith got a name and the house rules. And things have settled down mostly.
Ghost Kitty Smith is one of the pack now.
I have only seen Ghost Kitty Smith once. It was outside the kitty bathroom. (The cat[s] dig the cat bathroom it is dog-free just their own.) There was this ray of shadow and light by the door and when I looked at it I saw a white fluffy cat. I was thinking well no that is not a ghost kitty that is Jones. Even if the ears are hazy. Which cat ears are not so makes no sense. But I could look over THERE and Jones was THERE. And I could look over HERE and the ghost kitty was HERE. And Jones has orange ears not hazy ears so they are not the same cat and also sitting a couple feet apart like that even I know that is not one cat that is two cats. Whether or not I want to know that.
I did not expect Ghost Kitty Smith to be white and fluffy. I do not know what I did expect. But not that. What are the odds? I find another white Himalyan cat only this time it is a ghost white Himalyan cat living in my condo? (Like there is logic to even finding a ghost cat.) But there it is. Ghost Kitty Smith is a white and fluffy cat. Either that or just does not know what to look like so is looking like Jones on purpose.
The things that go through my head.
Anyway. Ghost Kitty Smith appears to be here to stay.
Paranormally
Yours,
That
Adams Girl
PS:
If you are a telephone solicitor burn my number before I find yours trust
me I am looking.
PPS: The first person who emails me a scary ghost story is in big trouble DO NOT do that go to the message board.
