taxing times
In honor of April and the tax mania that ensues here every April (help help!) April's second thought this month is a three minute radio short I wrote for Mental Minutes in 1995 during the month of (you see this coming right?) April:
TAXING
TIMES
SFX: WATER RUNNING FROM A FAUCET INTO A GLASS.
SFX: LOUD KNOCK AT DOOR.
WOMAN: "Just a minute."
SFX: FAUCET OFF, WATER BEING DRUNK, INTERRUPTED BY POUNDING ON THE DOOR.
WOMAN: "All right already, I'm coming!"
SFX: FOOTSTEPS (FAST, ANNOYED) APPROACHING DOOR; THE DOOR BEING YANKED OPEN.
WOMAN: (BELLIGERENT) "What??"
WATER TAX GUY: "Water tax."
SFX: CHANGE JINGLING IN PURSE.
WOMAN: "How much?"
WATER TAX GUY: "Buck fifty-seven."
SFX: THE CHANGE JINGLING ABRUPTLY STOPS.
WOMAN: "It's only one glass."
WATER TAX GUY: "It went up."
WOMAN: "It went up yesterday."
WATER TAX GUY: "It went up again."
WOMAN: "When?"
WATER TAX GUY: "This morning."
WOMAN: "That's ridiculous."
WATER TAX GUY: "It was in the paper."
PAPER TAX GUY: (YELLING FROM DOWN THE HALL) "She doesn't get a paper."
SFX: FOOTSTEPS APPROACH.
WATER TAX GUY: "That so? You don't get a paper?"
SFX: FOOTSTEPS HALT: THE PAPER TAX GUY HAS ARRIVED.
PAPER TAX GUY: "Won't pay paper tax."
SFX: A PEN SCRAPING PAPER.
WATER TAX GUY: (READING AS HE MAKES A NOTE) "Won't pay paper tax."
WOMAN: "Hey!"
PAPER TAX GUY: "She won't pay sidewalk tax either."
WOMAN: "There's your buck fifty-seven. Take a hike."
AIR TAX GUY: (YELLING FROM DOWN THE HALL) "Someone getting excited down there?"
SFX: APPROACHING FOOTSTEPS.
WOMAN: "I am not excited!"
SFX: FOOTSTEPS HALT: THE AIR TAX GUY HAS ARRIVED.
AIR TAX GUY: "That'll be three-fifty-two for excessive use of air."
WOMAN: "I won't pay."
AIR TAX GUY: (MENACING) "That so?"
PAPER TAX GUY: "She won't pay paper tax either."
SFX: GARGANTUAN FOOTSTEPS APPROACH.
AIR TAX GUY: "Uh oh. Now you've done it."
WOMAN: "Done what?"
SFX: GARGANTUAN FOOTSTEPS HALT: THE TAX TAX GUY HAS ARRIVED.
TAX TAX GUY: "Miz Coin?"
WOMAN: "Now what?"
TAX TAX GUY: "You're in arrears fifty-two dollars and eighty-seven cents."
WOMAN: "For what?"
WATER TAX GUY: "The new tax."
WOMAN: (FAINT) "A new tax?"
PAPER TAX GUY: "Shoulda got the paper."
AIR TAX GUY: "That'll be another buck for excitement, please."
WOMAN: "What's left to tax?"
TAX TAX GUY: "Avoiding taxes."
FADE
###
Happy April.
Love and Kisses,
Your Adams Girl
