the thing about weres
Jeez. I have been working on other sites and seemaxrun got neglected and all sorts of things went to hell. APostcard4U shut down. Um, ooops. Technically APostcard4U was fun for me but gave PC people headaches so probably the only person sad to see it go is me. When the servers changed the Guest Book went to hell and needs new CGI code --
AAAAHHHhhh!
Can I just say I really hate CGI? It is the one thing I have never been good at or understood well and probably never will because I. Just. Hate. CGI. So no guestbook till I gather myself to face CGI evil again but you can say hi on the message board.
All weekend I have been doing link checks and if you come across a dead link feel free to hit "contact" (assuming "contact" works, ahem) because I get distracted and miss this stuff.
BUT --
While all that is going on, I have been thinking about wheres. They are interesting to me. So today's thought is:
The Thing About Wheres
(Really it is spelled "were" but every time I try to read that in a real sentence it looks like a verb not a noun so I changed the spelling, um, live with it.)
I just discovered wheres. Apparently they have been a big net thing for a couple years but I was not paying attention or looking for wheres really so did not know about that till the other day doing research when surprise! Wheres.
Wheres believe they are part animal. Or all animal trapped inside a human body. (Wow, a new twist on "I'm just a lesbian trapped in a man's body" which is old by the way guys stop saying that it makes you look really boring and dumb.)
Most wheres talking about "where-ness" on public message boards believe they are part animal soul and it is a spiritual thing. They just happen to have a coyote spirit or something by accident and like to run around naked and get together to try to howl. (This does not always work real well because, well, they do not have the vocal chords for it but hey, they try.)
There are a bunch of where bulletin boards too and people on them talk about communicating with their inner wheres. Some wheres are unicorns and griffins. (I find that disturbed but you can be any where you want I guess.) Most wheres on bulletin boards are recognizable carnivores though. Wolves. Coyotes. Big cats. A few foxes. An ocelot here or there. The question comes up once in a while "Why are all the wheres carnivores?" And one person always says "Carnivores are smarter so there are probably gerbil wheres too dumb to know." (There is some grandiosity going on in the where community.) But then some poor bastard will wander in going, "Hey I think I am a sheep where" and all the carnivore wheres will go "Heh heh prey." So it is not surprising if there are sheep wheres you do not hear much out of them. (Maybe they have a secret no wolves allowed sheep club. I would.)
There are rumors about physical wheres. Those are wheres who really change. Like into real animals that run around on four paws. Most people on the where sites say, "Oh that is not possible." There are DNA arguments. Charts and graphs. "Well here is how the DNA would work dammit!" Most "wheres" on big sites though say there can't be any such thing, "where-ness" is all "inner spirit." Which is a damn convenient theory if you can't turn into an animal but want to be a werewolf.
Whenever people do show up saying they are physical weres they get called a phony and told to take off their clothes right now and change so all the other wheres can take polaroids.
(I guess wheres are not Episcopalians. Jeez.)
Okay. Flash Back:
When I was living in Louisiana (there are perks to surviving six interstate moves one is you get to say things like "When I was living in Louisiana") there was an animal attacking livestock. It just showed up one day -- well one night really -- from the blue and livestock attacks started.
Ranchers who owned attacked livestock were kind of upset. (So were the livestock I figure but no one interviewed them.) It was on the news a bunch. Big predatory animals attacking livestock did not happen around Lafayette Louisiana so reporters were hoppy and excited. I was in the living room with a bunch of friends and the news was on background and I was watching it out of one eye and so was everyone.
There had been three big attacks. One a month for three months. And people were trying to identify the animal tracks, they were flying in experts too, but they could not. The tracks did not match any canid, they were closer to a large cat. Only no large cat anyone had ever seen in Louisiana or well the United States had tracks like that and also the tracks were way too big and heavy to be North American big cat tracks. Not too big and heavy by a little. Too big and heavy by a lot. And there were markings from the animal too. Big scratches on a tree way high off the ground like bears make sometimes. Only a bear would reach higher and those were not bear tracks.
And I said, "Well it is a werewolf." And everyone gave me the eye. (It is the "Oh that is just what Max is like humor her" eye I get it lots so recognize it right off.) And I said, "Look, there is an attack every month. On the full moon. That is why they can even track it after dark, they have light and look outside, that is a full moon. The tracks are unidentifiable because it is not an animal anyone has seen before. It is something else. Something big. And those tree scratches are not by a bear but that is just at the right height for a 6'2" guy to reach up his arms and scratch a tree. If he had claws.
Then someone said "Shut up Max." And someone turned off the news.
Flash Forward:
Has anybody been paying attention to the ABC's? Not those ABC's, that is Sesame Street, I mean the big cat sightings in the UK, the unidentified wild animals? According to a lot of people those are not unidentified animals though. Those are very identified panthers and cougars in (I am not making this up) Scotland and Great Britain. Hello. Panthers in Scotland? Okay, so Scotland is weird, that is where my ancestors hail from it would have to be. But panthers and cougars in Great Britain? Brits are born scared of being made fun of they do not just say "Hello is that a cougar?" without thinking hard about mentioning it first. But people are taking pictures. People are tracking tracks. People are losing livestock. Something is there.
No one can find lairs. No one can find animals. Governments say there are no ABC's. Scientists say there are no ABCs. (ABC stands for "Alien Big Cat" by the way. Cats from Mars, who knew?) Governments and scientists say people are just making it up.
Okay. I do not get that. Why would farmers say a cougar dragged off sheep if that did not happen? Farmers do not joke about losing livestock ever.
People on where sites tend to be 16 years old give or take a year. They talk about inner wheres and wonder whether they are a where or not. Most of them have never had much contact with real animals so every once in a while someone goes camping and comes back very excited a squirrel threw a stick at them. (I guess that means you are a where for sure why else would a squirrel throw a stick at you?) When any country kid could tell you squirrels are some of the meanest animals ever and will throw a stick at you just for the hell of it unless the squirrels are "endearing squirrels" who work tourists for M&Ms. (Squirrels are smart.) And some of these kids really really want to transform. They call it "shifting." They imagine it and compare notes on what they would look like if they did shift which is not like a 17 year old with bad skin who cannot make the basketball team, it is like a magical wondrous wolf with jet black fur and streaks of silver and gold and sometimes wings. Basically anything attention getting and beautiful that is not a teenager. (Everyone hates being a teenager but I guess no one figures that out till after they stop being a teenager so it is not a surprise teenagers are wanting to be wolves instead of teenagers.) And they wonder why no one who can physically transform ever speaks up. Or they say they did transform sort of, their eyes changed color. (Wow, now that is unusual. Wipe your paws before you enter the house please.)
I could tell them what I think. I won't but I could.
I think if there are wheres out there they don't start wondering whether they are magical creatures right about the time they find out they can not make the basketball team. I think they know from age 3 or earlier what they are but are usually not too concerned about it because, okay, you are a cat person but that is not distressing for a 3 year old, that is just what you have always been. I think they know just don't "pretend" too hard playing with the family cat or dog or you will scare the bejeez out of the family cat or dog and have to make nice and coax it out from under the house and say you are sorry. I think they are probably trecking around the UK on moonlit nights -- and sometimes Louisiana. I think they are probably once in a while actually over or under the age of 16. I think they have been around a very long time. I think they are not going to strip naked so 16 year olds can snap polaroids to prove they exist. And I think they would never in a million years call themselves "weres" because well that is just a really dumb name -- with a LOT of unfortunate Hollywood connotations -- to pick.
That is what I think.
I could be wrong.
Love and Kisses,
Your Not A Where Adams Girl
PS: I do not do this often -- okay pretty much never -- but drilling wild life sanctuaries for a 180 day supply of oil is not patriotic read this and write a letter.
PPS: I rewrote those blasted consulting pages so people would stop yelling at me in email for being mean. I'm not mean. I'm busy. And would like once in a while to have a life of my own. Stop yelling.
